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Hello and welcome to My Country Lane:)

Here are some funny jokes I recieved through email through a friend. I do not take any credit for any of these jokes and got permission from sender to post them on this site.


Here are some very funny jokes :) Enjoy!!

Joke #1

SOME OF THE ABSOLUTE WORST THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER !> I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.> Sorry Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.> Arent you the guy from the Village People?> Hey, you must've been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me.... GOOD JOB!> Excuse me..... is stick-up hyphenated?> I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.>>You're not gonna check the truck are you?> Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last night on COPS?> Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends>nightstand!> So. uh you on the take or what?> Gee, Officer thats terrific....the last officer only gave me a warning too!> Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.> I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there's no other cars around... that's how far ahead of me they are.> What do you mean, Have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist! Ok ociffer, take me drunk I'm home again.

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Joke #2

VIRUS LIST ALERT> BIRTHDAY VIRUS - keeps advancing your clock by another year. MARIO CUOMO VIRUS - a very powerful virus, if it would ever run. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS - prefers to call itself an "electric micro-organism". OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS - first appears on system as a 120 KB file, later swells to 200 KB, then returns to its original size. Periodic printouts appear to keep you surprised! AT & T VIRUS - constantly reminds you how its giving you much better service than the other viruses. >SPRINT VIRUS - Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping. >MCI VIRUS - Encourages you to send it to your friends and family. OLLIE NORTH VIRUS - Converts your printer into a paper shredder. NIKE VIRUS - Just does it. ROSS PEROT VIRUS - runs for awhile, leaves the system, then re-appears, but with less effect.>AIRPORT VIRUS - You're in Pittsburgh, but your data is in Peru. ARNOLD VIRUS - stays resident after it terminates. It'll be back. RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS - before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives. GRIDLOCK VIRUS - Keeps shuffling information that it call "bills" between your CPU and BUS, sending messages like "House Bill #xxxx is unacceptable to Senate. Never gets any work done. RIGHT-WING-HARDLINER VIRUS -Won't allow any changes on your system, but keeps saying that things will get better as soon as it takes over the Whitehouse. LEFT-WING-DRIVEL VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS - enables irreparably damaged file to delete themselves. BOBBIT VIRUS - It turns a 7.5meg hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy drive. PONZI VIRUS - It logs into your bank's computer and transfers $1into the accounts of the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It then attaches itself to the next 10 items of mail you send. GARFIELD VIRUS - Puts your computer on sleep, eats up your files, then goes back to sleep.>JOKE VIRUS - poses as a harmless list of stupid computer virus names!

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Joke #3

LOVE, LUST AND MARRIAGE... a comparison... *************************************** LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room. LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about? LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over money. LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything. LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax? LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi." LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room. MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch. LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks. LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you couldn care less MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV. LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..." LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..." MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief. LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner. LUST - When you only see each other naked. MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake. LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them. MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them. LOVE - When nobody else matters. LUST - When nobody else knows. MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows. LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio. LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about. LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about. MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought. LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

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Joke Page4(more to come)

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