Hello and welcome to My Country Lane:)
Here are some funny jokes I recieved through email through a friend. I do not take any credit for any of these jokes and got permission from sender to post them on this site.
Here are some very funny jokes :) Enjoy!!
SOME OF THE ABSOLUTE WORST THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO A POLICE OFFICER !>
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.>
Sorry Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.>
Arent you the guy from the Village People?>
Hey, you must've been doin about 125 mph to keep up with me.... GOOD JOB!>
Excuse me..... is stick-up hyphenated?>
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a
police officer.>>You're not gonna check the truck are you?>
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last night on COPS?>
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends>nightstand!>
So. uh you on the take or what?>
Gee, Officer thats terrific....the last officer only gave me a warning too!>
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.>
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there's no other cars
around... that's how far ahead of me they are.>
What do you mean, Have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist!
Ok ociffer, take me drunk I'm home again.
VIRUS LIST ALERT>
BIRTHDAY VIRUS - keeps advancing your clock by another year.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS - a very powerful virus, if it would ever run.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS - prefers to call itself an "electric micro-organism".
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS - first appears on system as a 120 KB file, later swells to
200 KB, then returns to its original size. Periodic printouts appear to
keep you surprised!
AT & T VIRUS - constantly reminds you how its giving you much better service than
the other viruses.
>SPRINT VIRUS - Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping.
>MCI VIRUS - Encourages you to send it to your friends and family.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS - Converts your printer into a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS - Just does it.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS - runs for awhile, leaves the system, then re-appears, but with
less effect.>AIRPORT VIRUS - You're in Pittsburgh, but your data is in Peru.
ARNOLD VIRUS - stays resident after it terminates. It'll be back.
RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS - before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you
if you've considered the alternatives.
GRIDLOCK VIRUS - Keeps shuffling information that it call "bills" between
your CPU and BUS, sending messages like "House Bill #xxxx is unacceptable to Senate.
Never gets any work done.
RIGHT-WING-HARDLINER VIRUS -Won't allow any changes on your system, but keeps saying
that things will get better as soon as it takes over the Whitehouse.
LEFT-WING-DRIVEL VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending
messages about how the economy is going to get better.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is just fine.
JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS - enables irreparably damaged file to delete themselves.
BOBBIT VIRUS - It turns a 7.5meg hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy drive.
PONZI VIRUS - It logs into your bank's computer and transfers $1into the
accounts of the owners of the last 10 computers it was on. It then
attaches itself to the next 10 items of mail you send.
GARFIELD VIRUS - Puts your computer on sleep, eats up your files, then goes back
to sleep.>JOKE VIRUS - poses as a harmless list of stupid computer virus names!
LOVE, LUST AND MARRIAGE... a comparison...
LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.
LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch.
LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When you couldn care less
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.
LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
Joke Page4(more to come)